The Beginners Guide to Making Disciples: Old Friends
This week I have guest bloggers giving tips on how to disciple new believers. These posts are also good for people new to Christianity who are trying to figure it all out. Today, Demian from Fallen and Flawed helps us determine how to handle old friends after conversion.
Should a New Christian Cut Off Old Friends?
Perhaps it involved a meandering bicycle ride shortly after a difficult intellectual discussion with your best friend. Maybe it was a 28-year slug fest with stiff drinks, job losses and rounds of boyfriends. Or perhaps it came about during an emotional ambush following your mother’s untimely death.
No matter how you’re salvation occurred, at some point you owe someone a frank conversation. Namely your friends.
See, your conversion to Christianity will no doubt change the tone of your relationship–especially if it involves all-nighters in the dorm room with designer drugs. So, getting in front of them as soon as possible is one of the most respectful things you can do.
How should that conversation go?
Something like this: Ask them out for a sandwich or coffee. Tell them you need to talk to them about something. Then meet them. Naturally, start with a little small talk. But don’t torture them by lingering too long. Eventually get to the point. Explain what is going on in your life…that you’ve surrendered your mind, soul and heart to Christ. Indeed, give a little history on how this happened. More importantly, though, draw out the ramifications. For example, “We can’t be friends with benefits anymore.” Or “That séance thing–it’s out.”
In other words, cut them off. They will no doubt have questions for you. Objections. Answer what you can. What you can’t, tell them you’ll get back to them.
Make this abundantly clear: You want to honor God. But you’re not exactly sure what that looks like. So you need some time to figure it out. Tell them you’re going to find a good church. You’re going to read your Bible every day. You’re going to pray. Find a mentor. Join a study group. And end by inviting them to come with you. But never–EVER–make a bargain with them: “If you go to church with me…I’ll go to the bar with you. Okay?”
Don’t do that. Why not? When God stoops to call someone his child, that child–YOU–must remain pure. In the past God forbade intimacy with a non-believer for a reason: It led to idolatry. This is equally true now. Paul said,
Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?
Yes, Christ sat and ate with sinners. But he also taught and led those sinners to become saints. Here’s my point: We all fall. We do it in many ways. We don’t need any outside help. However, we also need to remember that we, too, were once foolish and disobedient. The height of our fall should never be lost on us. Neither should God’s goodness and loving kindness that saved us. A goodness and loving kindness available to everyone within ear shot. Whether friend or not.
Demian Farnworth is keynote blogger for Fallen and Flawed.
