Identity Crisis
This is one of those posts which we can all look back on in a week or two and go; “ahhh, now it all makes sense.”
I always feared I would become “that guy.” You know, the one who decided to allow his career or what he did to become his identity. This is incredibly common. We identify ourselves and others by what we do. To prove my point, pick a famous athlete and imagine them clipping their toenails, out of uniform. Weird, huh? I mean, Matt Ryan (of the greatest football team on earth, The Atlanta Falcons) is a Quarterback, right? All day everyday. He throws a ball and rarely gets sacked thanks to his impressive offensive line which includes guys like Sam Baker…Sorry, I think I got off topic. But you get the point.
Even more common among pastors.
Pastors and others in ministry are, and rightfully so, held to higher standards. We never envision them as doing anything other than reading their Bibles all day, every day; and never sinning. I remember walking into the office of a Baptist preacher when I was around 9-years-old. Books as far as the eye can see. It was at this time I first saw the Bible on computer (we are talking x386 here. Old). The pastor always seemed so holy. When my dad told me the pastor once dropped the “s” word in front of him, my perception shattered. I mean, this guy would not even let people listen to rock music! How could he drop the “s” word?!? Pastors often become identified by what they do and not with Christ. I have known a handful of pastors who have been fired or who have left the church on a bad note who quickly shed their (false) images in front of me. It was as if the image kept them from sinning outside of their minds and they had suddenly been set free on a moral level (which might help you understand why they were fired in the first place…)
Then something threatens your position.
If you have decided to live up to your portrayed image, it becomes harder to let go of it. We spend our time dying for all the wrong reasons. We fight for what we wish to become, even those things which seem righteous. When something comes along that can change your course or stop you completely, panic sets in. Our pride is about to fall under the hammer, and that hammer is a 20 pound sledge. This is why any identification outside of Christ puts us at risk. We risk a failure to worship God and a failure to be sanctified.
Who are you?
Many of us have “subtitles.” They are things like; mom, dad, husband, wife, pastor, son, daughter, technician, teacher, engineer, musician, servant, and much, much more. One thing I have always struggled with is being a “son.” I did not have the worlds closest relationship with my dad. I never learned the nuances of sonship. By the time I was in high school, I rarely saw either of my parents. My “right to be called a son of God” still seems elusive.
Until I learn to be a son…
I will always be living up to the image I cast out and the perception others have of me. And I don’t like it.
-Don-
