Shut it Down
Just a little change.
About two or three weeks ago, an interesting prayer came to my mind. I started to ask God what He REALLY thought about my church planting endeavors. I don’t know how the prayer got into my head. It may have been fatigue. Church planting can be tiring. There is always something going on and you spend a lot of time trying to be strategical. Throw two toddler boys with limitless energy into the mix who you wish you could spend more time with… Maybe it was because I was frustrated. Nothing seemed to be breaking my way. Maybe it was too much time alone in the car being able to think.
Maybe it was God.
A week ago, I met with the pastor of the church that was supporting us. He brought up my ideas and some of my obstacles. We talked a long time about what it would look like to simply join mission with the church he pastors. After all, we wanted to work within the same city, have the same theological beliefs, and my wife and I had already begun to plug into the church and make friends.
Breaking up is hard to do.
After my meeting with this pastor, I prayed and talked to my wife about what he said. Part of it felt like a huge relief. Man, I could join into an already established church, live a missional life, and continue to cultivate the relationships we were making. Since this was a young church, there are many opportunities available to help it grow.
What about my identity?
What about all the people who knew me as “church planter?” Or, what about those who had supported us along the way through prayer and financial giving? What would they think of this failure? What about my friends and family who knew I would be planting a church? What does this say about me? Does this mean I am not cut out to plant a church?
All of my questions point right at my idol. I want to be affirmed by others. I want my title to be glorious. Think about it. The Acts 29 Network makes heroes out of church planters. They are described as soldiers who march through the battle and often barely escaped. We revel in their scars and injuries. We put them on the pedestal and give them a heroes welcome. I wanted that welcome!
I had to let it go. And smash it.
I may go back into church planting, someday. But for now, I am pulling the plug. My family and I are going to get involved, heavily, with the church who has supported us so far. We do not know what the future will bring. We don’t even know what ministries we will be serving in yet. We do not know how God will really use us or what we are going to be doing. We do know this, God has been gracious and merciful. We have learned a lot over the last year. This has lead to excitement and fear over what is to come. Not terrified fear, but healthy fear as we re-center our focus.
Thank you.
For all of you who have supported us, thank you for your prayers. Thanks for talking with us and asking us questions. We appreciate all you have done. I want to assure you, the church we are going to commit to is Gospel centered. Their pastor is a humble man who loves Jesus and is not afraid to preach on the Cross, sin, or redemption. Please continue to pray as we learn about our roles in the church.
Thank you again.
-Don-
Identity Crisis
This is one of those posts which we can all look back on in a week or two and go; “ahhh, now it all makes sense.”
I always feared I would become “that guy.” You know, the one who decided to allow his career or what he did to become his identity. This is incredibly common. We identify ourselves and others by what we do. To prove my point, pick a famous athlete and imagine them clipping their toenails, out of uniform. Weird, huh? I mean, Matt Ryan (of the greatest football team on earth, The Atlanta Falcons) is a Quarterback, right? All day everyday. He throws a ball and rarely gets sacked thanks to his impressive offensive line which includes guys like Sam Baker…Sorry, I think I got off topic. But you get the point.
Even more common among pastors.
Pastors and others in ministry are, and rightfully so, held to higher standards. We never envision them as doing anything other than reading their Bibles all day, every day; and never sinning. I remember walking into the office of a Baptist preacher when I was around 9-years-old. Books as far as the eye can see. It was at this time I first saw the Bible on computer (we are talking x386 here. Old). The pastor always seemed so holy. When my dad told me the pastor once dropped the “s” word in front of him, my perception shattered. I mean, this guy would not even let people listen to rock music! How could he drop the “s” word?!? Pastors often become identified by what they do and not with Christ. I have known a handful of pastors who have been fired or who have left the church on a bad note who quickly shed their (false) images in front of me. It was as if the image kept them from sinning outside of their minds and they had suddenly been set free on a moral level (which might help you understand why they were fired in the first place…)
Then something threatens your position.
If you have decided to live up to your portrayed image, it becomes harder to let go of it. We spend our time dying for all the wrong reasons. We fight for what we wish to become, even those things which seem righteous. When something comes along that can change your course or stop you completely, panic sets in. Our pride is about to fall under the hammer, and that hammer is a 20 pound sledge. This is why any identification outside of Christ puts us at risk. We risk a failure to worship God and a failure to be sanctified.
Who are you?
Many of us have “subtitles.” They are things like; mom, dad, husband, wife, pastor, son, daughter, technician, teacher, engineer, musician, servant, and much, much more. One thing I have always struggled with is being a “son.” I did not have the worlds closest relationship with my dad. I never learned the nuances of sonship. By the time I was in high school, I rarely saw either of my parents. My “right to be called a son of God” still seems elusive.
Until I learn to be a son…
I will always be living up to the image I cast out and the perception others have of me. And I don’t like it.
-Don-
Just Some Dreaming
The first rule of blogging is, you don’t talk about…wait…that’s not it.
I’ve said it a few times, I like to write. I like to write almost more than anything else. While spelling and grammar are not my gifts, writing flows naturally. It comes so naturally, many of you may be surprised (or it might be evident by some of the disjointed thoughts) it only takes me about 15 minutes to write a post. I have the gift of gab…in my fingers.
I have this silly little dream, you can laugh at it if you like.
If you have been coming here for any amount of time, you will know I am planting a church. For anyone who has ever tried this, you know how difficult it can be. There are things you need which are not free. Besides having to sacrifice time, you have to have money. There are, and it should be no secret, expenses to be considered. In the early stages, most of this comes from the church planters pocket. This might include money for missional living, buying books or materials to promote spiritual growth of your core, or, it might be to pay a full time pastor (or at least pay a pastor to only need a part time job).
I’m not at that point, yet.
Yes, it would be great to have a part time job and spend the rest of my free time getting to know my city and the people in it. But I understand how God has been using my current full time employment to provide for my family (it is always good to have health insurance when you have a pregnant wife and two small kids!). But, I do not believe I am called to be bi-vocational as a pastor. Someday in the near future this is going to have to change.
I pray I can support myself through writing.
I think it would be a huge blessing if I could support myself and my family through this blog or by writing books. I know, that is the equivalent of saying I wish I could support my family by being a rock star. My prayer is, still, to not have to take a salary from the church, ever. I have no problem with churches paying a living wage to pastors. I believe it to be biblical and in most (like 99.99% of the time) cases it is necessary. I often think, “what if my church did not have to bear that burden?” This is important to me as I do live in a poorer area where I would like finances to have a maximum impact toward mercy and ministry.
Can I dream for a second?
Imagine this, I live in a city where 20% of the people are below poverty (that is like TWICE the national average). Many of them will not make it out of high school, much less go to college. Sure, there are nice areas in my city with half-million-dollar houses, etc. What if we can raise disciples who want to go into a full time ministry, but never go to seminary or Bible college? Why should we take the poor, force them to pay for college (or worse, take out student loans) to go into a vocation where they will probably never make enough money to pay it all back?
What if the church became the primary training ground for future pastors? With minimal financial contributions needed. What if, instead of having to pay the pastor a living wage, you could send one student a year to a more prestigious seminary (I’m looking at you, Westminster)?
Silly? Maybe.
But, there it is. Just laying it out for you.
-Don-
Check Out My Arrogance
If you thought pride was bad, you should see what happens when you build on it.
I check out the blogs of local area pastors from time to time. I like to see what other churches are doing in regards to spreading the Gospel both online and in cyberspace. Most of the blogs I check out are pretty cool and low key. Many pastors use this as a medium to further their preaching throughout the week or to make their community aware of breaking news, etc.
Some pastors use it to flex their superiority.
I debated naming names in my head, but decided against it. I will say this, I checked out one pastors blog which I had not read in several months and I was surprised at the level of arrogance. The first post on the page was great. It had a call to holiness and repentance. I enjoyed reading it and thought it was well laid out. It was full of truth and I believe worthwhile. But a post or two down the page…
Wow. Self-glorification to the fullest.
This guy laid it out. Everything he stood for was perfect. His methodology was the most honest and orthodox. Everyone outside of his church and his circle was wrong, wrong, and more wrong. Anyone who assigned any incorrect assumptions to him or his people was probably from Satan. I am not kidding about this. I am not sure what prompted this posting on his blog, was he firing back at blind criticism? Had life as clergy started to take it’s toll on his psyche? Was ministry his god and had it been threatened?
So I nuzzled up to a lousy book.
I received a copy of a book for review written by another local pastor. I was thinking I would have some doctrinal issues with the book as I know the guys stance on several key issues. What I was not ready for was the arrogant manifesto I received. This guy seemed to know all the secrets to a great spiritual life, and anyone who got in his way was “religious.” And I have not even finished two chapters yet. I cannot wait to see where this goes.
Pray for me.
I will admit, I have pride issues. There are many times I think I am “the cat’s meow” (I know, that saying is so old school…). I tire of my personal pride and ask for God’s grace in making me humble (in the least painful way possible). What I have seen is what happens when pride leads to the next step, arrogance. Reading the blogs and books of the arrogant left a bad taste in my mouth. I stopped seeing the work of the Gospel and just saw sad little boys with too big of an audience.
Please pray I do not end up arrogant. If I am already, please call me out. You can in the comments, but I would prefer email…My pride is at stake 
-Don-
