Day:2 Sometimes, Its Silence.
Yesterday was the second day of Lent . I have am using this time to practice spiritual disciplines in an effort for sanctification. I have already learned one thing, listening is not my strong suit.
Part of a good relationship is communication. In order to have good communication, you have to both listen and provide feedback. This means, when someone is talking to you, you should take a genuine interest in what they have to say.
Like I said before, I tend to barf.
In my times of prayer, I tend to barf all over the place. If I had a friend who did this, we would have a very short relationship. Meaning, if I had a friend who always talked to me, and never listened to what I had to say, I would think we had a very one sided relationship. I would probably seek this person out less and less hoping they would hire a shrink to tell them why they have no friends.
Yesterday I tried, four times.
Yesterday, I really tried to listen to what God might have to say to me. One of a couple of possibilities is apparent, I am either a) a horrible listener, or b) God does not have much to say to me. In the morning I was asking God a question and He seemed to have an answer that would be confirmed a short time later. But at lunch while praying, nothing. I tried to settle my thoughts, but I felt like an ADHD riddled adolescent on crack. I wanted to talk or think about anything else BUT God.
My family and I went to the store where I again tried to listen to God while the groceries were being checked out (don’t ask me why, I just felt that would be a good time) and I still heard nothing but my own contemplations as to why I was trying to listen at Kroger.
Finally, I had some alone time last night. I sat on my chair by the window and started praying.
Nothing.
Silence.
A beautiful view of Fairfield.
A car drives through the parking lot.
The refrigerator compressor starts up making white noise.
My mind starts to wander again.
Sitting in silence can be the hardest thing to do, ever.
I dare you to try it. If you are like me, you may resist it at first. You might even think it is a dumb idea. But one thing holds true, just being silent and waiting for God to speak will be the hardest thing you ever do.
-Don-
A Shoutout To My Wife
Let us hope this atones for my sins.
My Baby Mommy has her own website. It is no longer attached to my website. This means, when I do something stupid (like overwrite my site) her site will stay up. You can visit her site at www.jillyshelly.com.
Or, you can follow the link in my sidebar.
-Don-
Day 1: Everything or Nothing.
Follow me over the next 40 days while I celebrate Lent and talk about what God has given me. There is already a great conversation going on here you can join, but feel free to start a new one in the comments on this post as well.
Today I did something I have not done since the weather turned 
cold, I went for a walk on my lunch break at work. I was able to pray while experiencing something that has become all too uncommon; silence. As I walked through the neighborhoods, I did not turn on my iPod. I just listened and heard the sounds of birds chirping and of the occasional car driving past.
It was eerie.
It was time where I was alone with God, my prayers, and my thoughts. I started praying and petitioning as well as trying my hardest to listen (it’s been awhile since I really listened, so it was hard to shut my brain up). I felt like I vomited all over the place to God. Like I had all these issues and things that I had not handed over to Him. It felt like a mountain of vomit was growing and I had no idea how God was going to handle all of this stuff I was throwing up.
The odd part was, I had even more stuff to upchuck when I was finishing up my walk. As I entered the doors to my place of employment, a whole slew of other prayers started to reach my lips as they poured out of my mind.
It seems like God wants EVERYTHING.
God really wants to take all my junk, even the stuff I am still holding onto. He wants me to hand it all over to Him, but I am afraid. What happens when someone finds out I am really nothing? What happens when the facades I have put up start to come down? What happens when I humble myself and God really takes control?
What happens when I start to really live the life God wants me to live?
-Don-
Fat Tuesday.
This is a day people sin so they can practice being holy later. I know. And they wonder why we are accused of being hypocrites.
Fat Tuesday was actually a day when people would feast to begin the Lenten season. Being Polish, I was partially attuned to the wonderful Paczki 
(pronounced Pooht-shki). It is basically a deepfried doughnut. Yes, it is awesome. While I knew what Lent was growing up, I never really understood it. Many of my Catholic friends would give up some kind of vice over a 40 day period (but on Friday, they could have whatever they wanted…) and girls would whine about not having chocolate and boys would complain about not having Mountain Dew.
But one year, I prayed and fasted over lent.
It was an incredible time of healing and spiritual insight, unlike any I had ever had. I don’t know why (Holy Spirit, maybe?) I did it, I just did. I felt this call to only celebrate the Lord’s Super if it was offered to me, and obstain from all other foods. I am not saying this to talk about how great I am, because in reality, I have tried to fast long term since and have never made it past a day. If it wasn’t for the grace of God, I would have never made it through Lent.
Funny Story:
It was during this time that I was introduced to Monster Energy Drinks. I had two of them at an over-night lock in. My stomach never felt as torn up as it did that night.
Back to Lent.
Well, tomorrow starts another Lenten season. For the most part, our reformed denominations have left Lent in the dust as an outdated sacrament. It is really a shame as I feel one of the major problems we face today is a lack of self-control. For some of us, chocolate and soda has become a sacrifice. This is because we have become accustomed to having whatever we want, whenever we want. We call it being “blessed” when in reality it should be called “enslavement.”
I miss some of the old sacraments.
I feel like modern Christians get ripped off by not participating in some of the sacraments, or at least not taking them seriously. I hate when people say things like “the act of communion is just a sacrament.” I think we should replace the word “sacrament” with the word “privilege.” Jesus allows us to take part in His suffering and His covenant and we make light of it.
Lent is like a spiritual tune-up.
Lent is a 40 day period were we can re-align ourselves with God and put ourselves in a position to sacrifice for our creator and savior. Lent can be an intense period where we realize what we are actually called to be. It is a beautiful time where we can sit around and pray while reflecting on the wonderful cross. The one we often forget. The one that held our savior whom I so often abuse and ignore while willingly remaining enslaved to my vices and sins as if they will save me instead of Him.
I will admit it, over the next 40 days, I am going to be what some will call a sacramentalist. Some would say that I am being religious, but I am going to call it being privileged. I’m not going to tell you exactly what it is I am going to sacrifice over Lent, or what spiritual disciplines I am going to partake in. That is not for you, but for God.
Because I like to write and teach, I will be sharing with you all what I learn as I feel lead. I pray this helps spur others to break from their slavery and come closer to Jesus.
-Don-
